Riding the Storm Read online

  “Goodbye, Matthew.” She marched toward her car ducking inside. No wave, no bright smile for him ensuring that she would be returning tomorrow or the day after.

  Shit. He was supposed to feel relieved. He had done right by his deceased wife in sending Zara away. Matthew shoved a hand in his pocket and pivoted toward the ranch feeling lower than ever.

  Chapter Six

  She was pregnant and alone.

  Zara slammed the door of her apartment. How was she supposed to tell him now that she was carrying his child? She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. He’d probably think it was some sort of last-ditch effort on her part to hold on to him. As if he’d belonged to her in the first place.

  Talk about karma rearing its pitiful head. She was being punished for masking her love of Matthew through the veil of friendship. Karma was also high on her trail for keeping it a secret from Matthew the reason why Kristin was upset enough to go out into the storm.

  She sank into the couch and looked over at the phone. At least her parents were no longer living in the same state to witness her disgrace. They hadn’t understood or supported her decision to remain in cattle country after graduating from university.

  And there was no way she could have told them the sole reason involved a handsome man she was falling head over heels in love with each and every time they spoke. It sounded horrible to her own ears. In love with a married man. Zara knew without a doubt there’d be no sympathy for her, especially for trying to be with him after his wife’s death.

  Matthew’s rejection would no doubt add fuel to the fire and fan the flames of gossip. Giving Mrs. Arlen another reason to give her dirty looks now that she was playing right into the image they had of her becoming a walking, talking stereotype. It wouldn’t even matter that she had a career. All they would see come summertime was her big belly, ringless finger, and no man standing protectively by her side.

  Zara fell back onto the couch and allowed her hand to fall to her flat stomach. Somewhere deep inside her womb was an innocent little child forming who was going to be dependent on her. A beautiful little child, because Matthew was beautiful, who wouldn’t have the right and the luxury of two parents in the same household. The way she had grown up, basking in the love of two parents who thought the world of each other and were proud to let everyone know.

  Zara shivered. Today was the first time she had ever seen Matthew outright furious. God, she hoped his reaction wouldn’t extend to that when she told him about the baby. No, Matthew would never do that. Not when his refusal to be with her was led in part by his stringent values of loyalty. Without a doubt, she knew Matthew would be an exceedingly loyal and devoted father. That is, once he became aware and got used to the idea.

  ****

  All too soon the crisp Montana spring gave way to a mild summer and Zara knew she couldn’t put off telling Matthew about the baby. At first she consoled herself it was best to wait until the second trimester began. That came and lingered, along with her habit of wearing loose fitting clothes to hide her growing belly. It was only a matter of time before someone noticed. The most important someone being Matthew, although she had neither seen nor heard from him in the past five months.

  Seated inside her office, Zara pulled out the thin sheet of photograph paper. The image was blurry and she could barely make out what was what save for the tiny arrows her obstetrician marked indicating the little body parts barely formed yet. Zara smiled at the picture and bit the insides of her cheeks.

  “Are you busy?” A voice came from outside the door.

  Shoving the pictures into her handbag she spun in her chair to see Annette with her hand on the handle of the door, a concerned, almost motherly, expression on her face.

  “Um…I’m a bit busy to tell the truth,” she lied, snatching a folder from the corner of her desk.

  Her boss chuckled and let herself into the office. “I won’t stay too long.”

  “All right then.”

  Moving around to the edge of the desk, the older woman gave her a meaningful look, then asked, “You’ve met my son and daughter, haven’t you?”

  “You know I’ve met them.” Zara lifted her brows. “Why do you ask?”

  Annette smiled. “Because I know how hard it is being pregnant and having to work on top of it.”

  Zara opened her mouth to deny it, but Annette held up a hand and shook her head. “I may be your boss, Zara, but I’m also your friend.” She placed an arm around Zara’s shoulder. “Apart from that date you went on with Matt—”

  Zara let out a frustrated sigh. “It wasn’t a date. All he did was show me the ranch. That was it.”

  Annette blinked in surprise. She continued however, her voice becoming softer. “I’m only worried and concerned about you. Baggy shirts and all, you haven’t been the same for a few months.” The older woman’s gaze drifted to her stomach, concealed by a shirt and a sweater that looked as if it belonged to a grandmother.

  Annette drew her arms tighter around Zara. “Were you assaulted?” she asked, her face strewn with sympathy.

  “I wasn’t assaulted,” Zara whispered. “I made a fool of myself, but it wasn’t against my will. I did it completely on my own.”

  “Oh, Zara. Don’t ever say that. I’m sure whatever occurred between you and Matt happened out of love. You have no right to feel foolish.”

  Zara gasped, pulling away from the woman. “Why do you think I’m talking about Matthew?”

  “Although you’ve tried to hide it, I’ve always known you cared about Matthew. Does he know about the baby?”

  She shook her head and stared at her short fingertips. “I’m a little bit scared to let him know.”

  “Why? You don’t think he wants to be a father?”

  She gave another shake of the head. Months of suppressed tears burned the back of her eyelids. “It’s not that. I’m sure he wants to have children someday, but I don’t think he’ll be too thrilled it happened with me. This was definitely not in the plans.”

  “Oh, but that can’t be true. I’ve seen the two of you together.”

  Zara lifted her eyebrows and her boss quickly held up a hand and smiled. “No, no. I mean I’ve seen the way the two of you interact. There’s not a doubt in my mind Matthew cares about you.”

  “He doesn’t. He might have at some point. Right now I think he associates me as a distraction and the person Kristin disliked. And well, he’s made his choice. I don’t blame him, and I probably had it coming to me anyway.”

  Annette sighed and patted her shoulder. “Take it from this old lady. Just because love doesn’t come as easy or happen as fast as we’d like it to doesn’t mean you have to give up.”

  “I’m not chasing after him, if that’s what you mean. I won’t lie and say I no longer love him, but there’s only so much rejection a person can take before it begins to takes a toll. I have my child to think about. I’m not going down that road with him, and I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.”

  Annette rose from the desk, smiling despite Zara’s rejection of her words. “It looks like you’ve already made up your mind, kiddo. Since none of my love conquers all stories will change your mind, I think I’m going to shuffle some paperwork and pretend to be productive.”

  “They won’t,” Zara insisted, fighting back a smile. It was nice to know she still had a true friend. “I have to be realistic.” In a lower tone she added. “Thanks for your concern and, well, for not being judgmental regarding my feelings for Matthew.”

  “There’s nothing to thank me for, Zara. I’ve never agreed with you being blamed for anything. I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but it was unfair of Kristin to allow everyone to think you were the cause of her marital woes. I’m amazed you’ve stuck it out this long around here, or that Matthew never set the record straight.”

  “He doesn’t know.” She shrugged. “You know how Matthew stays to himself mostly. Plus I think I’d be too embarrassed if he knew what people were saying about me.�
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  Frowning by the doorway, Annette harrumphed. “I think it’s high time Matt wised up about the truth.”

  Zara nodded, anew with guilt. Truth. What would Matthew do if he knew the truth about her? That she had hurt his precious Kristin. She had the sinking feeling it wouldn’t be she who paid the price, but their child by not having a father in his life.

  “Take care of yourself, Zara.”

  “I will,” she replied absently. She had to.

  So, yet again her boss’s words struck out with a double edge meaning. Despite her better judgment, Zara couldn’t help but wonder who was taking care of Matthew. Did he ever think of her and get aroused? As hard for her as he had been the evening of the thunderstorm? Oh God. Her mind was going there.

  Zara clenched her thighs. A single thought and she was wet for him. Had to be the hormones, because tonight without fail she would lie in bed again, stroking between her legs and bringing herself to come while replacing her fingers with Matthew’s in her mind’s eyes. And afterward, it would be Matthew lying beside her whispering tender words of love instead of an empty pillow.

  Aghast, Zara groaned. She was a grown woman, not a simpering teen. She needed to get a grip. The only taking care of herself she should to be focused on was buying the iron pills her doctor told her she needed.

  ****

  Later that day, Zara stopped at the local pharmacy. On her way from the parking lot it dawned on her she was still wearing the ridiculous granny sweater. The heat was sweltering and she wanted it off, but most of all she wanted people to see her. She was tired of hiding. She had done nothing wrong and her baby was not a secret to be ashamed about.

  Zara slipped it over her head and threw it onto the seat of the car. She was happy to be pregnant. If anyone else had a problem with it, then too bad. They weren’t the ones who spent a night crying because of the disappointment in her parent’s voice at learning their daughter was single and pregnant. None of them had to worry about childbirth or how she was going to manage taking care of a baby and work.

  In no time she’d purchased the bottle of pills and was on her way out. A tall male figure held the door open for her and Zara peered up.

  Caleb, Matthew’s cousin. Without fail his gaze drifted to her stomach. A mask fell over his shocked features.

  His body blocked the doorway and Zara stared at him. “Can I go through?”

  Caleb looked at her stomach again then drew his focus upward. “Hey, yeah sure.” He stepped out of the way. “How are you doing?”

  “Better than ever.”

  He nodded and smiled. “You should stop by the ranch now and then. Matt would like that.”

  Really?

  Were they talking about the same Matthew Caldwell? Zara lifted her eyebrows and smiled at him in a gentle manner. “That’s nice of you, but I don’t think so.”

  Caleb shrugged. “All right. Guess I don’t know much anyway.”

  Not about this you don’t.

  Chapter Seven

  He was going to be sick.

  Matthew stared at his cousin in disbelief. He had to have misheard. Zara was pregnant.

  “Did she tell you she was?” He knew he sounded desperate.

  Caleb rolled his eyes. “Did she tell me? What the fuck do I look like? I know when a woman’s pregnant.” He hunkered down on the fence and popped a straw into his mouth. “She looked a couple of months along. Stomach was sticking out of her shirt. Couldn’t miss it.” He grinned at Matthew. “Think it could be your kid?”

  Matthew propped the hammer on the fence. There was nothing to think about. He had no doubt it was his child. He wasn’t vain, but he knew Zara well enough to know she wasn’t the type to run into the arms of someone she didn’t care about. Not even to alleviate her heartache. Caused by him.

  Nausea roiled in him. All this time, Z was carrying his child and doing it without his support. He couldn’t fault her for not telling him. Not after the way he had broken up with her.

  “So, you think it’s yours?” Caleb asked again.

  “It’s mine.”

  He still couldn’t wrap his mind around how she might be feeling. Worse, what if she had wanted to tell him, but was afraid of him blowing up at her. Jesus. He could see her being afraid of him and it hurt like hell.

  “How did she look? You said you saw her in the drugstore. Did she look sick?” His mind was scrambling for a way to reach out to her.

  Caleb hopped off the fence and took the hammer. “She looked fine, man. Better than fine, actually. Not sure why I never realized before how cute she was, even more with that little belly.” He drove a nail into the fence and grinned over at Matthew. “Still not sure how you could have ended it with her.”

  Matthew gritted his teeth, seething with jealousy. “I gave her that little belly. Next time you see her keep your eyes straight ahead.”

  “You can’t stop me now can you? Anyway, what do you care? You have Kristin. Isn’t that the reason you left Zara? So you could be alone with your guilt and memories instead of falling back into the clutches of the tramp who tried to seduce you away from the wife you were about to divorce? Right or wrong?”

  Matthew glared. “It’s not that fucking cut and dry. You’ve never committed to anyone, so what the hell would you know? You think I don’t care about Zara? That I wouldn’t give my right arm to be with her?

  “Then why are you here talking to me and not Zara? The woman who is alive and pregnant with your child.”

  Yeah, why wasn’t he?

  Matthew leaned against the fence and pulled the Stetson from his head, allowing it to dangle on his fingertips. “Maybe I don’t deserve to move on. Did you ever think about that?”

  “Now you’re talking bullshit.”

  Matthew ignored his cousin. “I’m the one who screwed up, and yet it seems like I’m getting everything I ever wanted handed to me. No messy divorce, the one girl I actually want, and a child to go with it. And all that had to happen was my wife dying. Doesn’t sound fair to me.”

  “Come on, Matt, don’t tell me you’re still blaming yourself for that. You know I liked Krissy and everything, but once she made up her mind about something, there’s nothing anyone could have done to stop her, not even you.”

  Matthew nodded. He wanted to believe that so much. That it was okay for him to be with Zara. “You think she’ll let me back in?” he asked quietly, bending the outer seam of his hat. She’d probably want him nowhere near her or the baby when it came. “I don’t want her to go through this alone.”

  Caleb shrugged. “Can’t help you on that one.” He lifted his head and chuckled. “Damn, you should have seen her though. Gave me the hardest look when she caught me staring at her stomach. Like she was challenging me to say something. Looks like you got your work cut out for you.”

  His heart thundered. Shit. If Caleb had noticed her pregnancy then that meant she wasn’t hiding it. As if on cue, his cock hardened. Her cunt had been so wet with his sperm. God, he remembered how it dripped, clung to the soft dark curls. And now she was pregnant. Matthew wanted to fuck her and then fuck her again just for accepting his seed into her luscious little body.

  After Caleb left, Matthew went inside and reached for the phone. He slammed it down. What was he going to say? Sorry I broke your heart. Sorry I haven’t called you or tried to see you in months.

  He wanted to talk to her. Be with her. Which right about now was the most important thing. A phone call didn’t seem right. No, he needed to handle this face to face, preferably at her place where she would feel more comfortable. He moved away from the phone, halting at the shrill ring and his blood froze. It was her. A million bucks on the line and he knew it was Zara. One look at the caller id and his hands shook as he cradled the receiver.

  “Hello”

  Slight pause.

  “Matthew?”

  Damn. He’d missed her voice and the way she insisted on calling him by his full name unlike everyone else. “It’s me.” His chest felt tig
ht and a lump settled in his throat. “How are you?”

  There was another pause before her voice came through soft and clear. “I’m doing pretty good.” Her voice brightened. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

  A fist tightened in his stomach. Had he been expecting her to pine for him? Maybe just a little. The least she could do was not sound so happy and content without him.

  “You want to talk about this over the phone?” His voice came out gruffer than he intended.

  “Oh, so you know. Did Caleb tell you?”

  Matthew gripped the phone. “It doesn’t matter how I found out. Just confirm what I already know. Are you carrying my child?”

  Another pause and she answered in an offended tone. “Of course it’s yours.”

  His chest swelled with pride at her heated words. Good, she still cared what he thought.

  He heard a sigh. “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this over the phone. Is there a way you can meet me somewhere tomorrow?”

  Oh God, he was going to see her again.

  “I can stop by your apartment or you can drop by the ranch. It’s your call.”

  “Not the ranch. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable being there. I have a clear schedule tomorrow. I can meet with you in the afternoon. Do I need to give you my address?”

  Matthew cringed. “C’mon, Z. I remember where you live.” He paused and rubbed the crease between his brows. “About what I said to you, I want you to know I’m—”

  “Don’t worry about it. I don’t believe you were completely off base.” She cleared her throat. “I don’t hold anything against you. To be honest, I would just like us to be able to sit down and talk about the baby. That’s all, no strings attached.”